Origins, part 2

In the late 80s, early 90s, my then husband and I attended a Bible college in Indiana. While there, my home church in Illinois was going through struggles.

The pastor in Illinois started throwing his weight around and becoming a bully. Since my father was on the board of that church, I heard some of the ridiculous things that went on.

Since it was so long ago, I do not remember much of the details. But one thing that stood out to me was my conversation with the Dean's wife of the Bible college. As I was relating to her the trials and tribulations of my  home church she just nodded and said, "This happens more than you know." She said it like she has heard this story many time. She offered no advice. She only lent a sympathetic ear.

So, now, I not only have the story of a "Christian" abusive man with a folding chair, I was hearing the inside scoop, the unspoked truth that many more churches struggle with spiritually abusive leadership than what polite Christians want to acknowledge. I did not want this information. I liked skipping around with the rainbows and butterflies of blissful ignorance. But because people I knew and cared about were suffering, I could not hide or pretend it was a one-off, uncommon thing anymore.

The book the the people of that congregation passed around to each other to help one another cope was, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen.

So, yes. Spiritual abuse was so common that there was a book written about it back in the early 90s.

The Body Keeps the Score.

 This last weekend I added a reading list to the blog.

I was not planning on making a big deal about it. Just slowly adding books to the list for anyone interested in trauma or faith based helps for trauma or overcoming abuse.

Then, I stumbled on a video.

I am presently working through "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma." I am reading it very slowly so am not sure if or when I will finish it.

Then pops up this video. "The Body Keeps the Score - Book Summary by a Therapist w/o the Triggering Bits."

So I am linking it here for future reference and for anyone else who is interested in this sort of thing.

Six Guiding Principles for a Trauma Informed Approach

 As a social worker, I have been taught and refreshed on these principles for many years. I was taught that when we take foster children into care that, even if their home environment is incredibly dangerous, taking them from that home is still traumatizing. And it is out job to do whatever we can to not traumatize them any further because of our own ignorance or clumsiness.

The principles are:

1. Safety

2.Trustworthiness and Transparency

3. Peer support

4. Collaboration and Mutuality

5. Empowerment and Choice

6. Understanding Cultural, Historical, and Gender Issues

Cynthia Eriksson goes through these at they relate to church ministy in this Fuller Seminary video

Trauma Informed Ministry: Key Elements

This video is about seven minutes long.

Origins

Back in the 80s, when I first gave my heart to Jesus, we were taught to evangelize. I tried my hand at it where I worked as a waitress with little to no success. Most of my coworkers were not receptive. But I will never forget how one of my coworkers responded to my attempts. She was not impolite but very passionate. She let me know that she did not want anything to do with religion because her ex-husband tried to beat the fear of God into her with a metal folding chair.

Her response brought me up short. I was so in love with God and my church, it was upsetting to know that anyone would ever try to abuse their spouse in the name of God. And while feeling terrible for my coworker, I decided in my own head that such a thing was rare, even a sort of one-off situation. Because surely this could not be common. Sadly, over the years, I have learned that it is way more common than what polite Christians want to accept.

Today, I am not so naïve. Abuse of all kinds is more frequent than most people know, both inside and outside the church.

Looking back at my coworker, I can now identify that she was not only being physically abused, but she was being spiritually abused as well. And most likely, emotionally and verbally abused. Perhaps even sexually abused.

As a trauma informed social worker with over twenty years of experience, I have come to understand my faith and my relationships with others, both within and without the walls of the church, need to be trauma informed.

This blog is my ruminatings on this topic.